It's the last blog post of the semester, and I'm not even going to be talking about my own work!
For this review, I'll be looking at Ryan Wolfe's "A Reflection" for one of his essay's body sections. My comments for him can be found here.
An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
I'll be talking about Ryan's rough draft for his final project in the form of a video essay, and I provided some suggestions on the form he employed.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
Ryan has an excellent rough draft of his reflection, but I feel like the voiceover was a major lackluster part of the piece, and re-recording it would do the video a great service. Also, by integrating the video cuts better the video will have a more cohesive flow.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
When looking at the video essays posted for us to view and my own from project 3, I found that integrating video clips well and having a good voiceover were both super important to a video essay.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
It was interesting to see how he broke down the reflection into projects rather than into different personal sections like I did.
Friday, May 6, 2016
Editorial Report
Did anything else change before I decided I was done? Yes, yes it did.
Rough Cut
After sitting down in class and learning that the rhetorical situation of a piece is of paramount importance, I realized that a new approach to my research was going to be needed. This revelation was further stressed by the research reports we completed as process work leading up to the creation of our rough and final drafts for each project. In the blog post entitled “My Sources” I was researching not only to find sources, but to find information about the sources themselves as evidenced by me delving into the author’s own background such as when I discussed an article “written by Peter Fairley, a freelance writer who writes almost exclusively on energy around the world, he writes for IEEE Spectrum, Nature, and MIT Technology Review” (Allred, “My Sources” 1). I even came to discuss the author’s potential bias while writing, noting that “he may be slightly biased on the subject as he argues for renewable energy in various nations across the globe such as France, Canada, and the United States” which is something that previously I would have never considered (Allred, “My Sources” 1). At the time I was certainly unhappy with all of that seemingly useless work that I was being asked to do, but now I have come to see that by looking at all aspects of a piece before using it in my own work I have a deeper understanding of what the author was really trying to convey with their writing. SOME TRANSITION
Edited Cut
After sitting through the first days of lecture and learning that that something as basic as the rhetorical situation of a piece is of paramount importance, I realized that a new approach to my research was going to be needed. This revelation was further stressed by the research reports we completed as process work leading up to the creation of our rough and final drafts for each project. In one of my first blog posts entitled “My Sources” I was researching not only to find sources, but to find information on the sources themselves. It’s easy to see me delving into these details like the author’s own background when I discussed an article “written by Peter Fairley, a freelance writer who writes almost exclusively on energy around the world, he writes for IEEE Spectrum, Nature, and MIT Technology Review” (Allred, “My Sources” 1). I even came to discuss the author’s potential bias while writing, noting that “he may be slightly biased on the subject as he argues for renewable energy in various nations across the globe such as France, Canada, and the United States” which is something that previously I would have never considered to be of any major importance unless a distortion of the facts was clearly evident (Allred, “My Sources” 1). At the time I was certainly unhappy with all of that seemingly useless work that I was being asked to do, but now I have come to see that by looking at all aspects of a piece before using it in my own work I have a deeper understanding of what the author was really trying to convey with their writing. When I’ve finished conducting my initial bouts of researching, it’s finally going to be time to begin putting words down on the page, the toughest part of writing.
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
Well, there's now no more "SOME TRANSITION" which I don't think was a great way for me to leave the reader going into the next paragraph since it doesn't tell them anything.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
Once again the form didn't really change since for the most part I was just copy editing my piece, but it's still important to note that by adding a transition sentence I more closely follow the guidelines of an essay.
Rough Cut
After sitting down in class and learning that the rhetorical situation of a piece is of paramount importance, I realized that a new approach to my research was going to be needed. This revelation was further stressed by the research reports we completed as process work leading up to the creation of our rough and final drafts for each project. In the blog post entitled “My Sources” I was researching not only to find sources, but to find information about the sources themselves as evidenced by me delving into the author’s own background such as when I discussed an article “written by Peter Fairley, a freelance writer who writes almost exclusively on energy around the world, he writes for IEEE Spectrum, Nature, and MIT Technology Review” (Allred, “My Sources” 1). I even came to discuss the author’s potential bias while writing, noting that “he may be slightly biased on the subject as he argues for renewable energy in various nations across the globe such as France, Canada, and the United States” which is something that previously I would have never considered (Allred, “My Sources” 1). At the time I was certainly unhappy with all of that seemingly useless work that I was being asked to do, but now I have come to see that by looking at all aspects of a piece before using it in my own work I have a deeper understanding of what the author was really trying to convey with their writing. SOME TRANSITION
Edited Cut
After sitting through the first days of lecture and learning that that something as basic as the rhetorical situation of a piece is of paramount importance, I realized that a new approach to my research was going to be needed. This revelation was further stressed by the research reports we completed as process work leading up to the creation of our rough and final drafts for each project. In one of my first blog posts entitled “My Sources” I was researching not only to find sources, but to find information on the sources themselves. It’s easy to see me delving into these details like the author’s own background when I discussed an article “written by Peter Fairley, a freelance writer who writes almost exclusively on energy around the world, he writes for IEEE Spectrum, Nature, and MIT Technology Review” (Allred, “My Sources” 1). I even came to discuss the author’s potential bias while writing, noting that “he may be slightly biased on the subject as he argues for renewable energy in various nations across the globe such as France, Canada, and the United States” which is something that previously I would have never considered to be of any major importance unless a distortion of the facts was clearly evident (Allred, “My Sources” 1). At the time I was certainly unhappy with all of that seemingly useless work that I was being asked to do, but now I have come to see that by looking at all aspects of a piece before using it in my own work I have a deeper understanding of what the author was really trying to convey with their writing. When I’ve finished conducting my initial bouts of researching, it’s finally going to be time to begin putting words down on the page, the toughest part of writing.
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
Well, there's now no more "SOME TRANSITION" which I don't think was a great way for me to leave the reader going into the next paragraph since it doesn't tell them anything.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
Once again the form didn't really change since for the most part I was just copy editing my piece, but it's still important to note that by adding a transition sentence I more closely follow the guidelines of an essay.
Editorial Report
Now that I'm about to submit, what have I changed from my rough draft?
Rough Cut
Terry Hayes once wrote that "the world doesn't change in front of your eyes, it changes behind your back," a sentiment that I find rather comforting as I look back on the experiences that I have had and shared this semester. I walked into an English class in January knowing little of what to expect besides what I had experienced in classes prior. As time passed I found that the class I was expecting was vastly different from the one that I received, but I was able to adapt to the challenges and see that my understanding of English was growing each day. Now I see a future where I will not only be expected to write, but to provide insight into the situation at hand. Despite this knowledge that I have now, I did not always see this class as a way to strengthen my understanding but time makes that detail clear. Yet as I made my way through the course I was forced to struggle with conducting research like I never had before, understanding how I needed to manage my limited time, and even taking care of myself in order to become a proficient writer.
Edited Cut
Terry Hayes once wrote that "the world doesn't change in front of your eyes, it changes behind your back," a sentiment that I find rather comforting as I look back on the experiences that I have had over the course of this semester. Just four short months ago in January I walked into an English class knowing little of what to expect besides what I had experienced before in high school. As time passed I found that the class I was expecting was vastly different from the one that I received, but I was able to adapt to the challenges and see that my understanding of English was growing each day. Despite the knowledge that I now retain, I did not always see this class as a way to strengthen my skills, but time has made that detail clear. Now I see a future where I will not only be expected to write, but to provide insight into the situation at hand using a variety of different strategies, whether it be delving into the rhetorical situation or simply working in a new genre. Yet as I made my way through the course I was forced to struggle with conducting research like I never had before, understanding how I needed to manage my limited time, and even taking care of myself in order to become a proficient writer.
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I was mostly making copy edits in this section, but one examples of a change was moving the sentence "despite this knowledge" forward in the paragraph. I believe the paragraph now flows a bit better and has a more logical progression.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
Rough Cut
Terry Hayes once wrote that "the world doesn't change in front of your eyes, it changes behind your back," a sentiment that I find rather comforting as I look back on the experiences that I have had and shared this semester. I walked into an English class in January knowing little of what to expect besides what I had experienced in classes prior. As time passed I found that the class I was expecting was vastly different from the one that I received, but I was able to adapt to the challenges and see that my understanding of English was growing each day. Now I see a future where I will not only be expected to write, but to provide insight into the situation at hand. Despite this knowledge that I have now, I did not always see this class as a way to strengthen my understanding but time makes that detail clear. Yet as I made my way through the course I was forced to struggle with conducting research like I never had before, understanding how I needed to manage my limited time, and even taking care of myself in order to become a proficient writer.
Edited Cut
Terry Hayes once wrote that "the world doesn't change in front of your eyes, it changes behind your back," a sentiment that I find rather comforting as I look back on the experiences that I have had over the course of this semester. Just four short months ago in January I walked into an English class knowing little of what to expect besides what I had experienced before in high school. As time passed I found that the class I was expecting was vastly different from the one that I received, but I was able to adapt to the challenges and see that my understanding of English was growing each day. Despite the knowledge that I now retain, I did not always see this class as a way to strengthen my skills, but time has made that detail clear. Now I see a future where I will not only be expected to write, but to provide insight into the situation at hand using a variety of different strategies, whether it be delving into the rhetorical situation or simply working in a new genre. Yet as I made my way through the course I was forced to struggle with conducting research like I never had before, understanding how I needed to manage my limited time, and even taking care of myself in order to become a proficient writer.
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I was mostly making copy edits in this section, but one examples of a change was moving the sentence "despite this knowledge" forward in the paragraph. I believe the paragraph now flows a bit better and has a more logical progression.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
I didn't really change the form in this section since I was only making small edits rather than drastic changes.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Open Post To Peer Reviewers
It's really the end, isn't it? So how do I feel about my work this semester?
Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know
I think that my rough draft is actually going to be very close to what my final draft is since I've spent a lot of time writing it so far, and hope that most of the edits that I make will be smaller changes rather than complete rewrites.
Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)
I'd definitely like to revise some of the language that I used in the piece and make some copy edits along with looking over the verb tenses I used, since I feel like it varied a lot more than it should have.
Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)
I feel like this gives a good insight into how I felt while working on these projects this semester, and also does a good job of explaining how I've become a better writer through this class.
Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know
I think that my rough draft is actually going to be very close to what my final draft is since I've spent a lot of time writing it so far, and hope that most of the edits that I make will be smaller changes rather than complete rewrites.
Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)
I'd definitely like to revise some of the language that I used in the piece and make some copy edits along with looking over the verb tenses I used, since I feel like it varied a lot more than it should have.
Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)
I feel like this gives a good insight into how I felt while working on these projects this semester, and also does a good job of explaining how I've become a better writer through this class.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Peer Review For Diego Alcantara
We're so close to end, so let's all finish strong!
For this review, I'll be looking at Diego Alcantara's production report 14b for one of his essay's body sections. My comments for him can be found here.
An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
So I'm going to be reviewing Diego's essay fragment and making some suggestions about the content which he can add to this section to improve it.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
I think that Diego has a really good start with this section of his piece, but it could be improved by adding in more concrete examples of how his research has improved since he started, including research reports and the interviews we conducted.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
When looking at the other essays it is clear that there is often a lot of evidence presented to the reader, which Diego is lacking right now, so I suggested he add some so that he can improve his piece.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
I like how he compares his writing experience before this class to what he's doing now and shows how he's "evolved" to where he is now.
For this review, I'll be looking at Diego Alcantara's production report 14b for one of his essay's body sections. My comments for him can be found here.
An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
So I'm going to be reviewing Diego's essay fragment and making some suggestions about the content which he can add to this section to improve it.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
I think that Diego has a really good start with this section of his piece, but it could be improved by adding in more concrete examples of how his research has improved since he started, including research reports and the interviews we conducted.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
When looking at the other essays it is clear that there is often a lot of evidence presented to the reader, which Diego is lacking right now, so I suggested he add some so that he can improve his piece.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
I like how he compares his writing experience before this class to what he's doing now and shows how he's "evolved" to where he is now.
Production Report
Oh man, how are we this close to being done?
Outline Closing:
"After a semester of rigorous writing exercises and new experiences, it's time to say goodbye and thanks for the ride. Show reader where I think I'll be headed with my own writing."
Rough Closing:
A few days ago, I left Ina Gittings Room 203 for the last time this semester and with that I have almost ended my time in English this semester. While it hasn't always been fun and I certainly haven't had an easy time with it, I feel like I'm leaving a more insightful writer, ready to tackle the challenges which will certainly face me in the future. Whether it be technical reports, presentations, or any other genre which I have not yet written in, I know that the skills I have learned this semester will make me proficient in whatever I need to tackle. Despite all of the hardships we endured to get here, I'm thankful that I've gained a new set of skills.
How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?
I tried to make sure that I wrapped up my thoughts and did it in a way that was consistent with an essay format by starting with a narrow focus and ending on a broad point.
How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
It took me a while to write this since I was fairly distracted by other things, but after focusing again it went fairly well.
Outline Closing:
"After a semester of rigorous writing exercises and new experiences, it's time to say goodbye and thanks for the ride. Show reader where I think I'll be headed with my own writing."
Rough Closing:
A few days ago, I left Ina Gittings Room 203 for the last time this semester and with that I have almost ended my time in English this semester. While it hasn't always been fun and I certainly haven't had an easy time with it, I feel like I'm leaving a more insightful writer, ready to tackle the challenges which will certainly face me in the future. Whether it be technical reports, presentations, or any other genre which I have not yet written in, I know that the skills I have learned this semester will make me proficient in whatever I need to tackle. Despite all of the hardships we endured to get here, I'm thankful that I've gained a new set of skills.
How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?
I tried to make sure that I wrapped up my thoughts and did it in a way that was consistent with an essay format by starting with a narrow focus and ending on a broad point.
How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
It took me a while to write this since I was fairly distracted by other things, but after focusing again it went fairly well.
Production Report
It's time to get cracking! Let's take a look at the first draft for my final project's introduction.
How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?
Writing an essay is vastly different from a podcast and even a QRG since it often has a much more formal tone along with having less of a focus on easy to read snippets but rather on the information being presented and how it is presented.
How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
It was kind of difficult to figure out how I wanted to start the piece since I'm not entirely sure of all of the points that I'll be making yet, but after a while I figured out where I wanted to go.
Outline Opening:
"Talk about how it's been a rough semester for many reasons, but now that it's almost over, it's time to reflect on the work that I've done. Provide a brief overview of the topics I'll be discussing."
Rough Introduction:
Terry Hayes once wrote that "the world doesn't change in front of your eyes, it changes behind your back," a sentiment that I find rather comforting as I look back on the experiences that I have had and shared this semester. I walked into an English class in January knowing little of what to expect besides what I had experienced in classes prior. As time passed I found that the class I was expecting was vastly different from the one that I received, but I was able to adapt to the challenges and see that my understanding of English was growing each day. Now I see a future where I will not only be expected to write, but to provide insight into the situation at hand. Despite this knowledge that I have now, I did not always see this class as a way to strengthen my understanding but time makes that detail clear. Yet as I made my way through the course I was forced to struggle with conducting research like I never had before, understand how I needed to manage my limited time, and even take care of myself in order to become a proficient writer.
Writing an essay is vastly different from a podcast and even a QRG since it often has a much more formal tone along with having less of a focus on easy to read snippets but rather on the information being presented and how it is presented.
How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
It was kind of difficult to figure out how I wanted to start the piece since I'm not entirely sure of all of the points that I'll be making yet, but after a while I figured out where I wanted to go.
Production Schedule
It's the final countdown, so how am I spending the last couple days?
What Is To Be Done
What Is To Be Done
- Production Reports
- Peer Review
- Rough Draft
- Local and global editing
- Publish final
- Mostly my dorm room, maybe a library
- Laptop
- Rough Cut - May 3rd
- Final Cut - May 6th
- None so far
Content Outline
It's time to reflect on all the work I've done so far, but what am I going to talk about?
Opening:
Talk about how it's been a rough semester for many reasons, but now that it's almost over, it's time to reflect on the work that I've done. Provide a brief overview of the topics I'll be discussing.
Body Sections:
- Conducting such thorough research is something that was uncommon for my previous writing, but will now become an integral part of the process.
- First real project which required in depth research was for AP United States History, where I presented in detail on Rockefeller along with crafting a nine page essay on the topic where research was a primary focus.
- Looking through academic journal pieces such as this show that research is going to be very important for the papers I hope to publish eventually.
- Throughout my writing career, time management has never been a strong suit of mine, and I often complete the majority of my work on the very last day
- Talk about how the trend started in my high school career where it really didn't matter when I started. Writing it the night before -> still an A grade.
- Unfortunately, this trend continued this semester with my work in this class, as evidenced by the majority of my blog posts and submissions coming on the Sunday they were due.
- Yet another factor which may have negatively influenced my writing abilities is the unfortunate lack of personal care for myself
- Sleep schedule is a complete mess because of my work schedule which ruins my weekday sleep habits.
- Eating healthy is not a strong suit, as evidenced by my frequent trips to the union which I really need to cut out.
Closing:
After a semester of rigorous writing exercises and new experiences, it's time to say goodbye and thanks for the ride. Show reader where I think I'll be headed with my own writing.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Reflection on Local Revision Process
That's all folks! So, what did I think?
I definitely feel confident in the piece that I've created and I hope that those watching it. I cleaned up the voiceover and improved upon some of the graphics I presented which I hope improve the overall quality of the project.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
Finding enough video and picture content to fill my 9 minutes of video was difficult, especially since some of the places I'm talking about are not well publicized such as specific mosques and Yemeni prisons.
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
Since this was the last project before reflections, I'm ready to see how my work has changed over the semester.
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
I feel good! I'm pretty proud of what I've made for my final cut, and hope it's informative to everyone who watches it.
Editorial Report
It's the end of the line, but I still had time to make a few changes.
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I gave more of a broad statement at the end instead of just trying to cram it in at the very end of my rough draft like I did before, so that my opinion would be more clear and so that I could imply there is still a debate to be had on the issue.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
Rough Draft Closing (8:02 - 8:22) - Final Draft (8:32 - 9:01)
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I gave more of a broad statement at the end instead of just trying to cram it in at the very end of my rough draft like I did before, so that my opinion would be more clear and so that I could imply there is still a debate to be had on the issue.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
I changed the closing to seem more like a real closing by summing up my argument rather than just a simple ending sentence like I had before.
Editorial Report
Alright, it's pretty much all over for this project, so what did I end up changing?
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I talked a bit more about my personal argument in the project, since I feel like in the rough draft of the introduction I really didn't talk about it at all. Also, I rerecorded the voiceover since that was a complaint last time.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I talked a bit more about my personal argument in the project, since I feel like in the rough draft of the introduction I really didn't talk about it at all. Also, I rerecorded the voiceover since that was a complaint last time.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
I added a title screen to give the viewers more of a brief introduction rather than just starting with a video, which I think will help give an idea of what exactly I'll be talking about rather than just guessing.
Revised Post to Peer Reviewers
It's almost time to be done with Project 3, so what does my project look like?
Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know
I think it's important to say that working on a video was definitely the hardest of the three projects so far, but I hope that I've presented all of my information well.
Major issues or weaknesses in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)
There's a few places where I wanted to have video rather than just pictures, but in many places it's just hard to find that kind of footage.
Major virtues or strengths in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)
Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know
I think it's important to say that working on a video was definitely the hardest of the three projects so far, but I hope that I've presented all of my information well.
Major issues or weaknesses in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)
There's a few places where I wanted to have video rather than just pictures, but in many places it's just hard to find that kind of footage.
Major virtues or strengths in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)
I really like the way that I've laid out all of my information, and think that by presenting the facts of the case, I was able to make a compelling argument in favor of Awlaki's death.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Peer Review for Alec Eulano
We're all publishing soon, so what else needs to change?
For this review, I'll be looking at Alec Eulano's rough draft of Project 3 "An Unpopular Opinion Protecting Unpopular Opinions" (He has it set so an arizona.edu email is needed to view it). My comments can be found here.
An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
So I'm going to be reviewing Alec's QRG and making some copy editing suggestions in order to help him improve his piece before we publish tomorrow.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
I think that Alec has a decent rough draft, but don't think it has all of the necessary items to make it a true QRG. Without changing the graphics and possibly changing the voice of the QRG, it may not be seen as very effective.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
I used my knowledge from my own work on my QRG along with the genre examples on D2L from student examples and in the news.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
I think that Alec is trying to tackle an important issue, and I hope that my own work is going to seem that way as well.
For this review, I'll be looking at Alec Eulano's rough draft of Project 3 "An Unpopular Opinion Protecting Unpopular Opinions" (He has it set so an arizona.edu email is needed to view it). My comments can be found here.
An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
So I'm going to be reviewing Alec's QRG and making some copy editing suggestions in order to help him improve his piece before we publish tomorrow.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
I think that Alec has a decent rough draft, but don't think it has all of the necessary items to make it a true QRG. Without changing the graphics and possibly changing the voice of the QRG, it may not be seen as very effective.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
I used my knowledge from my own work on my QRG along with the genre examples on D2L from student examples and in the news.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
I think that Alec is trying to tackle an important issue, and I hope that my own work is going to seem that way as well.
Peer Review for Gabby Dietrich
So now that we're almost ready to publish, what else can we change?
For this review, I'll be looking at Gabby Dietrich's rough draft of Project 3 which currently does not have a title. My comments can be found here.
An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
I'll be reviewing Gabby's rough draft of her video essay, and making some copy editing suggestions on how to improve her piece.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
I think that this is a very close example of what a video essay should be, but it needs to have a few minor edits to make it perfect, which I hope that I can help with.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
As I'm working on my own video essay, I thought that having quicker edits and less empty space will help greatly as shown in the genre examples of other student and professional work.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
I like the way that Gabby brings in multiple different points to help make her argument, and think that I could improve my own argument by adding more concrete evidence.
For this review, I'll be looking at Gabby Dietrich's rough draft of Project 3 which currently does not have a title. My comments can be found here.
An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
I'll be reviewing Gabby's rough draft of her video essay, and making some copy editing suggestions on how to improve her piece.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
I think that this is a very close example of what a video essay should be, but it needs to have a few minor edits to make it perfect, which I hope that I can help with.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
As I'm working on my own video essay, I thought that having quicker edits and less empty space will help greatly as shown in the genre examples of other student and professional work.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
I like the way that Gabby brings in multiple different points to help make her argument, and think that I could improve my own argument by adding more concrete evidence.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Peer Review For Jack Auslen
Let's get to reviewing!
For this review, I'll be looking at Jack Auslen's rough draft of Project 3 which currently does not have a title. My comments can be found here.
An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
I'll be reviewing Jack's rough draft of his college essay, and I'll be talking about a little about the form that needs to be used in a college essay.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
While I think he has a good start, there is still a lot of work to do to make it a true essay. Without citations, it is hard for the author to gain credibility with their readers. Also, I think it would benefit Jack to make it less story like and more factual.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
When reading the essays posted on D2L, it was very evident that in text citations are a must for a college essay, but Jack did not have any at this time.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
I think Jack is trying to take on a very interesting and very important topic, and it's interesting to see his take on something that hasn't quite unfolded all the way yet.
For this review, I'll be looking at Jack Auslen's rough draft of Project 3 which currently does not have a title. My comments can be found here.
An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
I'll be reviewing Jack's rough draft of his college essay, and I'll be talking about a little about the form that needs to be used in a college essay.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
While I think he has a good start, there is still a lot of work to do to make it a true essay. Without citations, it is hard for the author to gain credibility with their readers. Also, I think it would benefit Jack to make it less story like and more factual.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
When reading the essays posted on D2L, it was very evident that in text citations are a must for a college essay, but Jack did not have any at this time.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
I think Jack is trying to take on a very interesting and very important topic, and it's interesting to see his take on something that hasn't quite unfolded all the way yet.
Peer Review For PJ Noghrehchi
It's once again time for peer reviews folks!
So, now that I've gotten some of my own work done, let's take a look at PJ Noghrehchi's essay entitled "Serenading at the University of Arizona: A Promotion of Rape Culture or A 21st Century Expression of Entertainment for All?" You can find my comments here.
So, now that I've gotten some of my own work done, let's take a look at PJ Noghrehchi's essay entitled "Serenading at the University of Arizona: A Promotion of Rape Culture or A 21st Century Expression of Entertainment for All?" You can find my comments here.
An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
I'll be reviewing PJ's rough draft of his college essay, where I'll be making a couple of suggestions about the form that he uses while writing.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
I think that PJ has a strong start but can use a bit more refinement and maybe even a bit more formal tone when writing to help more accurately portray his points.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
After looking at the genre examples on D2L, it was apparent that there was often 2-3 sentences of explanation for each quote, but that was not always the case in PJ's work.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
They added a very personal touch to their story which I thought was very interesting, and helped make the story seem more real.
I'll be reviewing PJ's rough draft of his college essay, where I'll be making a couple of suggestions about the form that he uses while writing.
An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback
I think that PJ has a strong start but can use a bit more refinement and maybe even a bit more formal tone when writing to help more accurately portray his points.
An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback
After looking at the genre examples on D2L, it was apparent that there was often 2-3 sentences of explanation for each quote, but that was not always the case in PJ's work.
One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from
They added a very personal touch to their story which I thought was very interesting, and helped make the story seem more real.
Editorial Report
So now that I've got a whole rough draft, what changed from last week?
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
After the first video segment, the introduction changed because I made the goal of the video more clear by telling viewers that it's time to find the cause, rather than introducing only the general topic.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
Original Intro - New Intro (0:00 - 0:53)
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
After the first video segment, the introduction changed because I made the goal of the video more clear by telling viewers that it's time to find the cause, rather than introducing only the general topic.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
I edited the video to show a secondary clip of Alwaki rather than having a static image because I believed it would be far more interesting to the viewer than just a regular picture.
Editorial Report
So, we've gotten this far, but what's changed?
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I think that by establishing a call to action to the viewer that it makes it a more effective ending since I'm asking to the reader to do something they may not have thought about before watching.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
Original Closing - Rough Draft Closing (8:02 - 8:22)
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I think that by establishing a call to action to the viewer that it makes it a more effective ending since I'm asking to the reader to do something they may not have thought about before watching.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
By adding some different graphics and better narration, I believe that the viewer will be more engaged when the call to action comes than they were before.
Reflection on Global Revision Process
It's published, but what do I think about it all so far?
What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
I think that by publishing my rough draft I've made really good progress so far, and I think that I'll actually end up keeping most of it which isn't always the case.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
Finding video segments to go along with my talking points is sometimes very difficult, especially when talking about the background of Awlaki such as where he used to be an imam.
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
I think that I've got a solid base to work off of and edit next week, so I'll be looking forward to it.
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
I'm actually feeling pretty good since I have a solid rough draft and some ideas on how I can make it better as well.
What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
I think that by publishing my rough draft I've made really good progress so far, and I think that I'll actually end up keeping most of it which isn't always the case.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
Finding video segments to go along with my talking points is sometimes very difficult, especially when talking about the background of Awlaki such as where he used to be an imam.
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
I think that I've got a solid base to work off of and edit next week, so I'll be looking forward to it.
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
I'm actually feeling pretty good since I have a solid rough draft and some ideas on how I can make it better as well.
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